When I think about how socially awkward and neurotic I am it becomes hard to believe I had a best friend in middle school. I'm making the big leap from my teen years to my 20's now and I can't stop thinking about all the people I have met during these trouble filled teenager years. At 19, I can't help but to feel a little old and stare at the "roaring 20's" with nothing but fear in my mind. However it is the people I've left behind that I think about the most.
There is one person who stands above everyone else though. She was my best friend in middle school and up until today I can't believe I let her and her friendship slip out of my hands. She was an amazing friend and I should have cherished her friendship like a glass of fine wine. You know, the ones that get better and better with the years. Instead I did nothing to save it.
I met carmen during a boring math class and we instantly became friends. She sat by my desk and heard me make a sarcastic comment when the teacher suggested that I should go up to the board. I didnt say it too loud though so even to this day I'm surprised she even heard it. We looked at each other and laughed and she kept the secret for me. From then on I knew her and I would get along just fine.
We were both outcasts and very nerdy but we didn't pay much mind to other people and we were always laughing. I didn't fit in because I had a body that resembled that of an 11 year old boy and she didn't fit in because she was a bit chubby, had bigger breasts than most of the girls and a very curvy body. Isn't life cruel? They didn't like me because I had NO curves and they disliked her because she had very pronounced ones. We always found it very funny how different yet so alike we were. We were practically the same height, watched the same shows, listened to the same loud rock music and were somewhat "rebelling" against what was considered "normal" for Dominican girls to do and how they should behave.
After graduating from 8th grade we went our separate ways for the summer. We spoke on the phone almost everyday at first but then we didn't talk much for about 2 months. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her at the high school I had been accepted to. It was like a dream come true! I got to keep my best friend and wouldn't be alone, well at least that's what I thought. Things didn't happen like that. We were both very excited when we saw each other there. We hugged each other and did some necessary "catching up." We were hanging out again but it didn't feel the same.
I wouldn't be able to say exactly when, but my best guess is during the summer, the months we didn't speak....Carmen became a different person. She was still very nice to me but the once shy girl that I had some much in common with at some point, was now a social butterfly and didn't have much time for me and my "eccentric" ways. Even though it seems like Carmen was the one who let our friendship go I played a huge part in it as well. I feel like I could have saved it but was too afraid of being open and social.
I know being social doesn't kill people but when you've lived your whole life barely leaving home, being in school 24/7 and not allowed to be outside past 4pm like I was, you'd understand. The biggest mistake I made was not trying hard enough to keep her as a friend and when the tide got rough I just gave up and stopped talking to her altogether.
I could have easily explained my feelings and tried to work things out. This was my best friend, it should have been easy but at 15 you don't stop to look at all your options and you definitely don't stop to think that you'll miss this person later in your life when you need someone who really cares about what you have to say and who you can call at any time for anything, knowing that they will be there for you.
People come and go out of your life. In these 19 years that I've been alive I've seen it happen many times. All I can say is love and cherish the friends you keep because once nostalgia hits you and as you become older and wiser you truly do miss them. The friends you keep make you laugh, give you advice and keep you on your toes. The friends you keep, keep you too and during my 20's, hopefully I'll remember this and know what to do.
I hope you enjoyed my article.
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